Find Me When You’re Lost

A subservient once heard from his master, “Find me when you’re lost.” The subservient took great comfort in the phrase his benign master would often use to hearten him. The subservient always took it to infer that his master would always avail himself in times of need.

The subservient waited on his master hand and foot, being in constant reverence of such an established authority that was simultaneously charitable beyond reason. Eras went by and the master passed into old age.

Though weak and feeble, the master remained a pillar of strength and nobility in the subservient’s eyes. The master finally passed unto death but in his last breaths, he looked into the eyes of the subservient and for the first time, the subservient saw frailty, uncertainty, fear and death in his master’s gaze.

In this last breath, with the alienation of quietus in his eyes, the master said to the subservient, “Find me when you’re lost.” For the first time, the subservient heard these words, aligned them in his mind, and felt them become a harbinger of desperation. What once was a decree, in an instant, gazing into mortal fear, became a dire plea.

The subservient went from his felled master and pondered the phrase that had once quelled all variables in his mind. He experienced a sorrow that scarred him potently and profoundly.

The words of the master who was an unshakable pillar, took on a stark and ghostly form when spoken by the master who was trembling in the face of mortality – even though words were exactly the same.

In the last moments of his master’s life the subservient realized that his master was not offering an unwavering beacon, but was actually begging to be rescued from an unknowable abyss.

This realization cast the subservient into darkness and he found himself lost. It was at this point that the subservient, all too late, learned that you cannot find anyone when it is you that is lost.

Burned

There was a fire that burned all around us, and people were afraid.

They feared for their homes and the roads that they had paved.

We became diaspora and fled as refugees,

in the hopes of returning to anything that the flames did not seize.

People huddled together but the prevailing emotion was unease,

Routines were disrupted and entire lives were put on freeze.

Screens flashed text and images that were grim.

They served to add to the people’s worries and make hope very dim.

Meanwhile the inferno was raging, being fed by a wind that was dry.

The hell-zephyr birthed the fire in new places and whipped its flames high into the sky.

At night, all one could see was an eerie, otherworldly orange glow,

in the hills of the valley because the fire had choked off all the lights below.

By day, one would be shrouded in blinding smoke and totally unaware,

that the fire was  creeping dangerously close to all for which they care.

But just in time, there came a day that the flames lost their fuel.

The wind died down and the forces of preservation had won the duel.

There was a great collective sigh as the people returned to their lives.

Primal stresses were lifted and we went back to sharpening our knives.

Upon return, we found our houses were still standing.

And standing next to them was all that we forgot was troublesome and demanding.

Perspective was lost and we resumed existence as domesticated creatures;

losing all propulsion and reinstating that which is ill as teachers.

Being grateful for the wrong things is crippling as far as I am concerned.

The fire did take my home, there was a wind that could not be turned.

As I sit in my home and reflect on what I’ve learned,

the only thing I can come up with is that this place should have burned.

Damned Youth

What a world in which we live

Whats expected is what we give

Betrayed by our own thoughts

We turn to shards and broken pots

Damned by all who see

Damned for all eternity

The valley whose depth is never ending

The road we travel, ever-bending

Forbidden by pride to speak the name

Forbidden by self, by fear, by shame

A seamless twilight turned to drowning night

Do I alone suffer this plight?

Death, destruction, mutilation!

The desperate cry of a perturbed nation

A meager excuse for an existence

Seeking compliance, pressed by resistance

Damned for feelings unavoidable

Damned and seen as exploitable

Day and night to the dictators I scream

But they’re off chasing a phantom dream

By this time I’ve died a thousand deaths

Trying to climb but shoved down the steps

Trifles come like the solar wind

Weary and unable to pretend

Our crafts and temples of recovery destroyed by war

The religion of the in-home dictators believes in no door

Belabored, but worse…denied

Belated and falsely tried

Damned but god forbid I be destroyed

Damned to the pits and the void

What happened to the benign nature of our youth?

It’s still there we’re just not told the truth

Beseeched to acquire and beseem

They won’t admit, it’s an insurmountable dream

Are our eyes fixed on aspirations of our own?

Programmed, trained, belittled to the bone

“The tribes of Icarus with their hearts of stone

let us sneer, let us scoff, let us piss and moan

For as long as we can clasp their very beings will belong to we

Be sure to strike deep our work lest they ever break free

Saturn ascends and the war mongers feast

The eyes are crimson, full of levin and yeast

They are no longer pleasurable to our eyes

We kill, we eat, we rise

Let us destroy what the chromosomes of Babylon have made

As we gorge on the fruits of the 15-year raid.”

Our domestic universe is dark and unquenchable

It’s work is macabre and irreversible

Damned and maimed by gray towers

Damned because the sun is setting on their powers

A warning to myself, that I may never become

But I fear it is inevitable that I succumb

I say no and I say kill!

Will I remember if I take the blue pill?

For What it is

I am walking through this earth

living for what it’s worth

Though complete comprehension is beyond our grasp

there is hope that I did not see in the past

Now I can sing my song of hope the one I always had inside

like demolishing the dam of a great river, I can let it ride

Without reservation, and not in vain

without fear or guilt, heaviness or shame

I can run past the black of my days

I can progress on to more joyous ways

But the sorrow of my night was not just for the sake of being

A served purpose, now I have touched now I am seeing

I thank you though I’ve cursed you in the past

I thank you for who you have given me, for what did and did not last

Thank you for the greatest love I own

Thank you for yet another love I have never known

Thank you for sending this intoxication

One who seems to dissolve all frustration

The ocean beckons me to come be with it

so preserve us until the time, until it is fit

Through you I have learned so much

sharing with me allowing me to touch

Bleeding yourself into me until you are dry

for the hope that soon I will be heavy enough to fly

All I understand of you is that I can’t live without you

But I am certain I will live your departure through

This is only true because of what you’ve done

Despite what you say, you were always the one

How I long for your essence to be inside me

How I long for your spirit to finally be free

For you I will try my best

because of you I am certain of success

I’ll write a million songs in your name

write a million poems, but all to shame

I will rise to dizzying fame, and be at peace with the lows

I iwll embrace the friends and befriend the foes

I will give my love to as many as the stars

and receive all back bearing the scars

never despising, but never complacent

rising above while posing adjacent

I will be everything that I possibly can

I will go through it all and come out a man

You have shown me the world and made me to understand

that it is mine and it will bend in my hand

Trials will never stop coming never stop harping

but they will never stop passing never stop departing

Our lives are hard but it will never end

there will always be the morning sun around the bend

We will always keep rising to higher levels

if we keep on defeating our demons and devils

The world is not such a hopeless place with you around

You are my voice of hope, the very sound

The world may not always be what we want it to be

but you’ve shown me the infinite ways there are to perceive and see

Every event in life happens for a reason

All can be for good, a never-ending season

All this for the life that still lives

I am learning to take it for what it is

 

 

The Artistry Of…

No on cares for a background truant

I’ll spare the world just find me one pursuant

Fetch me a victim swept under the rug

and a strung-up brat who didn’t receive a hug

Fuck your world, for it I could care less

give me a priest and a home I could bless

Not another theater case, I was not left alone

I had my cast and best of all I played the drone

No one could tell if he loved himself

I hated him. I’m going to kill myself

I’ll throw it to the wind, it’s much overrated

the love I received, my heart sedated

What a dream to have the breeze blow you away

and feel the warmth of your blood, to have nothing to say

Makes my eyelids grow heavy, fatigued, and weak

An ambivalent winter day bundled inside blissfully cold and bleak

My lord how it soothes the soul!

Swallow a pill to make you whole

To watch your life through sunken eyes

drift off into surreal pink skies

No one knew a life had been placed on the shelf

No one cared, I’m going to kill myself

Every hateful thought dissolved into mist

Beautiful was my mysterious maiden of the abyss

Outside my body exiled to my brain

Slipping away from the life I feign

No final published work no inheritance to claim

No person no event to squarely place the blame

True art is left for the observer to decide

And this has been the artistry of suicide

He loved her, she loved herself

She knew it. I am going to kill myself

Here it comes one last fit of madness

There it goes the sorrow and sadness

I have had my fill of humanity

I am well-fixed for insanity

What will it matter after I pass anyhow?

It will do nothing what I think or say now

I can’t do it, I can’t do it, I can’t do it

I’ll get through it, I’ll get through it, I’ll get through it

I can’t do it I can’t free myself

I’m going to do it, I am going to kill myself